gonna try and get hammered as I am pretty gay

ass farting? old news. dick farting is the new hotness

You haven’t LIVED till you’ve had my special chicken tender sauce (it’s ketchup mixed with Frank’s red hot buffalo sauce)

I keep finding jumping spiders in my house, which is great cuz they’re cute and eat bugs. But I keep finding them in dangerous places, like on my pillow when I’m making the bed, or on the stove burner when I’m about to cook! And I’m like guys come on, you’re not my pets, I shouldn’t have to look out for you like this

I’ve already done 90 of these things today because nobody’s getting back to me on the things I asked them to do at work

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Day 31 of quarantine. Hyperlink has come out as a top with no ass. Nothing makes sense anymore

You just do a regular pushup, but at the top, you pick one hand off the ground and rotate your body so you’re doing a t-pose with only your one hand and feet touching the ground. Keep your core tight and don’t sag! Then lower yourself down and do another pushup but switch sides

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Highly recommend pushups-into-side-planks for a simple exercise to get your blood pumping during these boring days

Whenever I feel I simply do 30 pushups. It’s working great except I can’t feel my arms or see over my massive pecs

Animal Crossing 

There’s something so dirty about seeing “right join”

do you have an ass

Descartes: "Cogito, ergo sum."

Me: "How 'bout you cogiton't?"

Getting ready for the day now means taking a shower and putting on fresh pajamas and I think that’s beautiful

An underrated Nic Cage movie is National Treasure. It’s a fun adventure/heist flick.

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